Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I'm considering becoming a mind reader.
What are your thoughts?

The next person to tell me I'm overreacting
is going to get stabbed.

I have a superiority complex.
I'll just wait here while you look up what that means.

Every time I pour a round of drinks,
it goes all over the place. I think I need glasses.

Plagiarism: getting in trouble for something
you didn't do.

A journalist was interviewing a farmer in Vermont about the previous election, who told him: “The Republicans offered me $20 to vote for them and the Democrats offered me $10 to vote for them.”

The journalist then said: “So you voted for the Republicans?”

“No,” said the farmer, “I voted for the Democrats cuz they less corrupt.”