A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900
miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22
gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles
to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a
hybrid.
___________________________
A husband and wife are on
the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart
attack.
"Help me dear," she groans to her
husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife
raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're
putting."
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they
found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help
you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks
feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's
already agreed to let him play through."
___________________________
A gushy reporter told Phil
Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of
golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your
secret?"
Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
___________________________
A young man and a priest are
playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going
to use on this hole, my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron,
father, how about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft
seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball
on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball
out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you,
father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head
down."
___________________________
Police are called to an
apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless
man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your
husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him
with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob,
drops the club and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times
did you hit him?"
"I don't know -- put me down for a
five."
___________________________
A golfer teed up his ball
on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of
trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought
he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty
swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and
killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter
asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in
two, didn't I?
___________________________
The bride was
escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing
there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What
are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye
and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
