Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My wife goes shopping to see things she can't afford and imagine what it would be like to have them. Same reason I go to the topless bar.

Deep down, I knew scuba diving wasn't for me.

Marriage means commitment. So does insanity.
Coincidence?

I've been chained to my desk all day.
I guess that's what I get for working in an S&M club.

I asked my doctor why I was so ugly when good looks ran in my family. He said, "you were too slow to keep up so good looks left you behind. In nature, it's called 'survival of the handsomest'."

Me: "The problem is that obesity runs in our family."
Doctor: "No, the problem is that no one runs in your family."