One day she says "Treat me like a princess"…
the next she's pissed that I married her off in exchange for an alliance with Spain. Women...
I like how Angelina waited to divorce Brad..
until Jen got married. Well played Maleficent, well played.
The swimsuit portion…
of the presidential election is really going to suck.
Each year I’m invited on vacation...
with the same group of annoying people, but I can't say no because they're my wife & children.
I ordered six Nutella donuts… and the clerk asked “do you have any nut allergies?”.
Yeah pal, I’m planning suicide by donut.
Women online tell me my beard is hot.
Women in real life tell me where I can find food and shelter.
Apparently, saying "make it a double"...
doesn't work at the pharmacy.
Stop, block the store entrance...
and discuss why you came. It's all good. I'll wait.
