A chicken walks up to a duck standing at the side of the road and says: "Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it."
Why did the geologist look embarrassed? Because he realized his theory about earthquakes was on shaky ground.
Elephants are overprotected.
Then again, that's easy for me to say from my ivory tower.
My wife and I are incompatible.
I lost my income and she lost her patability.
My wife left me after finding me in bed with
my best friend. I tried to explain to her that it was only because his kennel was being repaired.
A wise man once said to my brother:
"If you love her, let her go..........................................and come out with your hands up."
My friend's wife left him last week. She said
she was going out for some milk and never came back. I asked him how he was coping. He said: "Not bad. I've been using that powdered stuff."
Grandpa: "Why do you want me to make a frog voice?"
Little Johnny: "Because dad says when you croak, we can go to Disneyland."
Late one night... a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.
Scandalized, the man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!" ...
I can only guess
that people with dark-tinted car windows must pick their noses much more aggressively than the rest of us...
Two police officers crash their car into a tree.
After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
