Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I'd like to personally thank the person who looked at a beehive and thought, "Those little bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I just know it."

I was talking to a
lumberjack at the bar last night. He seemed like a decent feller.

I work as a waiter -
The pay isn't great, but I put food on the table.

11:59:59 a.m. is my favorite
time of day. It's second to noon.

A friend of mine asked
if you could catch AIDS from a toilet seat. I said, only if you sit down before the other guy gets up.

If Bruce Jenner goes missing....
Will his picture start showing up on cartons of Half & Half?

I heard there's a new reversible jacket.
I can't wait to see how they turn out.

My wife and I just bought a bar for our basement.
Now we just need to go out and look at stool samples.

I went on the cruise recently...
Princess cruise line. Most luxurious nursing home I've ever been to!