Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Warning
There's an email going round offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email don't open it, it's spam!

Apparently,
"We were promised an open bar," wasn't the type of objection to the wedding the priest was talking about.

It was hard to come to terms with the death of my wife, but eventually the assassin and I agreed on a fee.

The neighbors just asked if I was stealing their Wi-Fi. It felt like such an invasion of my piracy.

My first stand-up attempt
was a disaster. OK, so I was only ten months old at the time.

I think it's pretty irresponsible when newspapers don't post warnings when their Sunday comics contain Peanuts.