My wife's got a great personality!
It's her other 6 personalities that I'm worried about.
If you love something, set it free.
If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.
I admire women with the restraint to
draw on their eyebrows.
I wouldn't be able to stop until I'd added glasses and a mustache.
I love how Simba acts upset when Mufasa dies,
as if he didn't just do a choreographed musical number called "I Just Can't Wait To Be King".
All my dance moves look like I'm trying to tell
the guy on first base to steal second.
Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
I probably should've said, "Congrats on your
4th child!" instead of "Halfway there, OctoMom".
Wrestling is obviously fake.
Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
He died doing what he loved: being alive.
Meth addicts gets all their drug money from the
tooth fairy.
