My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
Once I posed naked for a magazine, but I think
the newsagent would have preferred money.
You know what they say, the secret to a good
relationship is never going to bed married.
Weather Girl: I'm looking at
six to ten inches tonight.
Me, to the TV: But is it going to SNOW?
Sweet potatoes are just regular potatoes that
remember birthdays and anniversaries.
My wife and I had words last night, but I never got to use mine.
I'm not an alcoholic
I can stop anytime I run out of money.
I started to write
a drinking song, but I couldn't make it past the first few bars.
I do what the little voices in my wife's head tell me to do.
If actions speak louder than words,
why can't I hear mimes?
