Does the world really need another rhetorical question?
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
"Impeccable" sounds like a general immunity to crow attacks.
Yes, I read Quantum Physics. But only for the particles.
I'd participate in more blind taste tests if they didn't always scream & hit me with their canes while I'm licking them.
I bet if Jimmy cracked YOUR corn you'd care, you selfish son of a bitch.
CAFFEINE-FREE DIET COKE: BECAUSE YOU LOVE CARAMEL COLOR.
If everyone jumped off the docks I would too.
I'm a sucker for pier pressure.
And after I smoked the medicinal marijuana, I ate three tubes of medicinal chocolate chip cookie dough.
I just saw a gang fight. One gang claimed that grease is the word, and the other said that bird is the word. I think eight guys were killed.
Diamonds are forever. But so is herpes."
This is why I never get hired to write advertising campaigns.
My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them.
If you think Special K is boring, wait till you try Normal K.
Kids - there is no Santa. Those gifts were from your parents.
Happy New Year from Wikileaks.
A disgruntled bubble wrap factory worker could shoot 20 men and no one would turn their heads.
Bees! Beavers! Let's settle this once and for all: WHO'S BUSIER?
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
You can tell a lot about a person by their car.... For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.
