JOHN PODESTA AND ROBBIE MOOK (former Clinton campaign mgr.) one day after Clinton loss made up entire Russian Narrative. Podesta is partners with a Russian bank that has Putin on the board. He never registered as a foreign agent because he thought Crooked Hillary would win. This is all documented in the book"Shattered". The public must not let those two POS get away with it. They are making BIG fools out of the public, the gov., the dems., and A-hole Adam the "idiot" Schiff. TURN ON THESE PEOPLE THEY ARE RUINING THE COUNTRY.. THIS HAS A DIRECT EFFECT ON THE ECONOMIC HEALTH OF THE U.S.A..

Two young prospective priests were riding their bikes to seminary school when one of them had a terrible accident. While riding down a hill a stick got caught in the spokes and flipped the young lad over the handlebars. As he tumbled down the hill the bike eventually landed on top of him and the handlebar went right up his ass.

"Go to school and tell Sister Mary what happened", said the injured youngster to his friend.

So when the other boy got to the seminary he found Sister Mary and started telling her the story. "David and I were riding to seminary together and he got into a terrible accident"! The boy exclaimed.

"What happened"? Asked Sister Mary.

"Well" the boy said. "As we were going down the hill a stick got caught in David's spokes and it flipped him over, he tumbled down the hill, then the bike landed on top of him and the handlebar went right up his ass"!

"Ahhh" said Sister Mary. "You mean rectum".

"Rectum"?! The boy exclaimed. "It damn near killed 'em"!!!!

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and nodding and addressing each of them individually said, "Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father."
She then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.
One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."
"Yes, Father?" she said.
"We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are Priests, dressed as we are?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Katherine," she replied.

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - Blessed be mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that he had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said they had noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind and asked if he could also bless those who are gay. The Pope said, "OK."
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti."

A couple, preparing for conversion, meet with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions. The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?"
"Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately."
"So I can't dance with my own wife?"
"No."
"Well, okay," says the man, "but what about sex?"
"That’s fine," says the rabbi. "It’s a mitzvah within the marriage!"
"What about different positions?" the man asks.
"No problem," says the rabbi.
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Why not?" replies the rabbi.
"Well, what about standing up?"
"NO, CERTAINLY NOT!" says the rabbi. "That could lead to dancing!"

The problem with dancing in the nude is that not everything stops when the music does.

Contemporary Latin Phrase: "Domino vobiscum."- The pizza guy is here.

A blonde girl went on a trip to Italy with her even blonder father. When they returned from their tour, she informed a friend that he liked all the Italian cities, but most of all he loved Venice.

"Venice, eh?" said the friend. "I can understand why your father would like Venice with its gondolas, and all..."

"Oh, no," the young lady interrupted, "it wasn't that. He liked it best because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window."

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it.

* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass.

* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass.

* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine.

* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all.

* The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine.

* The jew caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.

* The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine.

* The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod.

* The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman.

* The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering.

* The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: 'Now spit out all that you swallowed!!'

* The Ostrobothnian claimed it was an evil democrat scheme and gave the waiter a nasty stab with his knife. He also refused to drink the wine, as this is women's business and wondered loudly what is keeping the vodka he ordered.

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick", shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do"?

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination". says Sister Helen .

Sister Marilyn switches the wipers on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what"? shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross", says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking", says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts..... "GET THE FUCK OFF THE CAR!!!!!!!"

The Second Amendment to the US Constitution was passed because of:

1) Venus de Milo, and
2) spaghetti strap dresses.

duplicate post

teapee... I can't PM anymore
Sorry...

She's searching for literary inspiration.

Be back soon I suspect.

Well... your not keeping them coming... LOL

ok

The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer. Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother into town for the shopping. All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park.

"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister Lucy. "You go into the supermarket and I'll drive around the block until you come out."

Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be?

Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.

"Excuse me, Officer," she said. "Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"

"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing would surprise me!"

Hey teapee...thanks for the DNDN pick! Keep them coming

Good one!

Do you do standup?

A priest was taking a leak in the men's room, when he noticed that somebody had written on the wall, "My mother made me a homosexual."

So he took out a pencil and wrote underneath it, "If I buy her the material, will she make me one too?"

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Ruben piped up, "They must be bored again Christians."

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing,

To which the boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

The History Channel is planning a new 12-hour miniseries about the evolution of humans. And this is convenient. If you missed the episode on Neanderthals, you can just watch the season premiere of 'Jersey Shore.'?'' -- Jimmy Fallon

Help, I just shot my mother in law

a look that really showed her I was angry.

jeesh she's a pain in the a$$!

I love small dogs too...... Thought of you and your cute dog

I will but please remove your Jock Strap. ;)~

Hey buddy just found another.......
The Tyrant Frog


A SNAKE swallowing a frog head-first was approached by a Naturalist
with a stick.

"Ah, my deliverer," said the Snake as well as he could, "you have
arrived just in time; this reptile, you see, is pitching into me
without provocation."

"Sir," replied the Naturalist, "I need a snakeskin for my
collection, but if you had not explained I should not have
interrupted you, for I thought you were at dinner."

Hey buddy here is a good one...


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More Books

Once upon a time a Wolf was lapping at a spring on a hillside, when, looking up, what should he see but a Lamb just beginning to drink a little lower down. "There's my supper," thought he, "if only I can find some excuse to seize it." Then he called out to the Lamb, "How dare you muddle the water from which I am drinking?"

"Nay, master, nay," said Lambikin; "if the water be muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me."

"Well, then," said the Wolf, "why did you call me bad names this time last year?"

"That cannot be," said the Lamb; "I am only six months old."

"I don't care," snarled the Wolf; "if it was not you it was your father;" and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and .WARRA WARRA WARRA WARRA WARRA .ate her all up. But before she died she gasped out ."Any excuse will serve a tyrant."

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Ruben piped up, "They must be bored again Christians."

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought the house down.

One day Joe goes to the church and takes a seat in the confessional. "Father", he says, "this week I have sinned forty three times."

"My son", the priest says, "this is a bad thing. Who did this happen with?"

"My wife, Jill," Joe answers.

"But that is not a sin", the priest says, "That is common behavior in a marriage."

"I know,", Joe says with a smile, "I was just anxious to tell someone."

Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!

There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.

This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears.

Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could hardly contain himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying to ring up the merchandise.

"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his voice.

"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real Quaker?"

The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes, I am a real Quaker."

"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?" asked the clerk.

The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up. As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?"

The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply. The man said, "Screw Thee."

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.

The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

"Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

Very nice!

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered,

'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

Moshe, the owner of a small Kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

'Why don't you people leave me alone?' the deli owner said. 'I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?'

'It's not your income that bothers us,' the agent said. 'It's these travel deductions. You listed ten trips to Israel for you and your wife.'

'Oh, that?' the owner said smiling. 'Well... We also deliver.'

The new priest was hosting a meeting in the church of the young candidates for First Communion, with their parents.

Now, this church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life, i.e. the life of the community of the faithful. Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, "You see, each one of you is a little pane," and pointing to each child, he said, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And...."

It took a few moments before he realized why all the parents were laughing so hard.

Having been bored witless by the world's most boring preacher, Tom came out of church before the preacher had finished his sermon.

Outside he met his friend Lester, who asked, "Has he finished, then?"

Tom replied, "Well, yeah, he's finished, but the old coot won't stop!"

Useful Work Phrases

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. I'm not being rude You're just insignificant.

3. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

7. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent.

To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.

As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a Marine."

The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

A Minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. So he simply asked: "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"

Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows, tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal wedding gown stepped to the front.

Brilliant! Love it!

This is the little-known tale of how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments. God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a command- ment.

"What's a commandment?" they asked.

"Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied God.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way. That would ruin our weekends."

So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?"

"Well," said God, "it's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL."

The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."

So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?"

God said, "They're free."

The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink. if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no one will know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunken lush Nun again is it?"

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.

The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"

The priest replied, "What did you say?"

The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"

The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?"

The boy replied, "Yes.... tight ass!"

A fellow evidently under the influence was trying desperately to catch a train back to his suburban home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each time he was told that he would have to take another train.

When he boarded a fourth train he slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose eyes, ears and nose told him that this new passenger had been drinking too much. He told our besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that you are traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation."

To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on the wrong f#¤king train again!"

Johnny's mother looked out the door and saw Johnny reading the Bible to his cat. She thought to herself, "Isn't that sweet? I will not disturb him and will let him continue to play with the cat."

Sometime later, Mom heard an awful noise and looked out the door to see Johnny trying to force the cat into a bucket of water. She loudly said to Johnny, "Johnny, what are you trying to do with the cat?"

Johnny replied, "I am trying to baptize him!"

His mom said, "Cats don't like to be in water."

Johnny replied, "Well, then he shouldn't have joined my church."

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church. When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"

"Why reverend." the young thing replied. All of my boy- friends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts." "Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!" "

Of course not reverend." she said. "You're not plugged in yet."

Two rabbis, one Reformed and the other Orthodox, were discussing their respective congregations one day.

The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader, "Why don't you let the men and women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my temple?"

The Orthodox rabbi, known for his sense of humor, replied, "If you want to know the truth, I don't really mind them sitting together at all. But, you see, my sermons aren't that interesting and I just can't have them sleeping together"