The Funny Farm

[Skillen]

Charlie Sheen: Winning. This made me laugh very hard.

[Skillen]

HA!! That's awesome

[catdaddyrt]

Lmao-thats a good one

[SPORTSPROPHET]

Grandpa and Grandson

A 5 yr old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the porch together, when his gramps pulls out a beer out of his cooler. The lil boy asks, can I have a beer grandpa? Grandpa replies: "Can your pecker touch your ass son? The lil boy answers: No grandpa, it's just a little pecker. Gramps replies: Well your not man enough to drink a beer son. A lil while later grandpa lights up a cigar. Once again the lil boy asks: Can I have a cigar grandpa? Once again grandpa asks: Can your pecker touch your ass son? Once again the lil boy answers: No, it's just a little pecker grandpa. Grandpa replies: Then you can't have a cigar. A little while later the lil boy comes out with some milk and cookies. Grandpa asks: Hey there young fella, can I have a cookie? The lil boy asks: Can your pecker touch your ass Grandpa? Grandpa replies: Hell yes my pecker can touch my ass! The lil boy replies "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these for me!"

[catdaddyrt]

this is funny

[Skillen]

Ha! I did guess it was a blonde!

[SPORTSPROPHET]

GOLF BALLS

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of
golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his
bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's
golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him
thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[Skillen]

Sorry I just see this gif of pink tank top girl and it just makes me laugh every time.

[catdaddyrt]

Lmao

[Skillen]

Shaken, not stirred of course

[catdaddyrt]

well you need to have a drink special then--one drink and you get to watch the shake video-lol

[Skillen]

Nothin much Cdiddy. This place is like my own little empty bar!

[catdaddyrt]

WAZZUP Shakey Skillen

[Skillen]

I am not here...



Liar Liar... Pants are on FIRE!!!!!!!
LOL
I am going to Vegas in January and staying at the Monte Carlo, maybe I should go to his show.

[SPORTSPROPHET]

FRANK CALIENDO

[Skillen]

Shake Weight SNL
I dont know why the shake weight is so damn funny.

[Skillen]

Shake Weight

[Skillen]

Because it makes me laugh.

Vodka, you're feeling stronger
Vodka, no more feeling bad
Vodka, your eyes are shining
Vodka, you are the real MAN
Vodka, wipes away your tears
Vodka, removes your fears
Vodka, everyone is gorgeous
Vodka, yeah vodka

Drinking is good for you,
Soon you are unconstrained
Drinking is good for you,
Here comes the womanizer
Drinking is good for you,
Not anymore lonesome
Drinking is good for you,
And you will feel awesome!!

Out of respect for nature,
Our vodka and drinkers.
Promising, that the vodka
We serve, is as pure as it was
Thousands of years ago.

Out of respect for nature,
Our vodka and drinkers.

Vodka, you're feeling stronger
Vodka, no more feeling bad
Vodka, your eyes are shining
Vodka, you are the real MAN
Vodka, wipes away your tears
Vodka, removes your fears
Vodka, everyone is gorgeous
Vodka, yeah vodka

Drinking is good for you
Soon you are unconstrained
Drinking is good for you
Here comes the womanizer
Drinking is good for you,
Not anymore lonesome
Drinking is good for you,
And you will feel awesome!!
Drinking is good for you,
Soon you are unconstrained
Drinking is good for you,
Here comes the womanizer
Drinking is good for you,
Not anymore lonesome
Drinking is good for you!!

Raaah!

Vodka, you're feeling stronger
Vodka, no more feeling bad
Vodka, your eyes are shining
Vodka, you are the real MAN
Vodka, wipes away your tears
Vodka, removes your fears
Vodka, everyone is gorgeous
Vodka, yeah vodka

Drinking is good for you,
Soon you are unconstrained
Drinking is good for you,
Here comes the womanizer
Drinking is good for you,
Not anymore lonesome
Drinking is good for you,
And you will feel awesome!!
VODKA!

[SPORTSPROPHET]

NASTY!!

[Skillen]

OMG, this was so funny. I bet these dumb girls were scarred for life now.

[catdaddyrt]

[Sparce]

That was awful .....
lol

Do we get to vote on the worst joke of the year?
(Aside from Barnie Frank and Harry Reid being re-elected?)

[SPORTSPROPHET]

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shovelling.'

And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'

The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies,
but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'

The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel.
Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,

SUPPLIES!!!

[Skillen]

Is that sharpie?

[Sparce]

The Sox completely make the outfit buddy!!

[SPORTSPROPHET]

MY AGENT:

[SPORTSPROPHET]

CODY ROSS or SPORTSPROPHET?

[Sparce]

Wish I was there.

[SPORTSPROPHET]

LOL...

Won't be on much today...BBQ and costume party at work.

I put together a "FEAR THE BEARD" outfit that will most likely get me 2nd place again.

Always a bridesmaid...NEVER A BRIDE!!

[Sparce]

Cliche descenting Republican.......
I was sure if I should be pissed or laughing :)

[SPORTSPROPHET]

THIS MUST BE WATCHED IN ITS ENTIRETY

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s09e08-two-days-before-the-day-after-tomorrow

[Skillen]

Oh man I just saw that right now, that is some funny S***

[Sparce]

Another great e-mail from my wife....
--------------------------

When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'
[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]



Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and
purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.



Now the fun part begins.





Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."


Close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:

'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'


REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE
OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!

if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart... Maybe you work for Johnson & Johnson!


Enjoy life - It has an expiration date!

[Sparce]

I had to pass that one --- on.... to my son and wife. My son's been spending a lot of time in the library. Can you see him opening his laptop and watching that while "in" the library?

[catdaddyrt]

at the library - very funny-I could not keep from busting out

[Sparce]

That was great. I loved that one. Kinda reminds me of:

[Sparce]

OMG!!!!! I couldn't stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can you keep a straight face when you pull a prank like that!!

[catdaddyrt]

LOL I did not make the clip just sharing it with the world-I used to have one of those remote control machines and it was a lot of fun- still a kid at heart I guess

[SPORTSPROPHET]

[SPORTSPROPHET]

[SPORTSPROPHET]

That's NICE!!!

[catdaddyrt]

[Sparce]

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.


**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes..
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.



Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker.

Billy Connolly -

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

[SPORTSPROPHET]

Wanted to make love to you

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you SUCCEEDED!

[SPORTSPROPHET]

A drunk orders himself a beer
A man walks into the front door of a bar.
He is obviously drunk.

he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar.

He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation.

Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar.

He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man" How many bars do you work at?"

[catdaddyrt]

internet joke-they dont have much bang but it got me too

[Sparce]

LOL..... :)
That was cheesy --> and it worked !!!! ha ha ha :)

[catdaddyrt]

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!................











WHY ARE YOU SCROLLING DOWN? ITS YOUR TURN TO SAY SOMETHING.......

[Sparce]

that was REALLY REALLY good! Loved it, it really was funny!

[SPORTSPROPHET]

THAT'S AWESOME!! ROTFLMMFAO!!