Chatty Cathy

[eaglesurvivor]

Sorry, I just had to post this. Snick! Snick!

[eaglesurvivor]

Finally! Science has the answer!
"And thus, fellow mathematicians - we have arrived at the formula for understanding women!"

[eaglesurvivor]

Gotta Love Kids

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________ _________ _________ ______

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

____________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ ________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

[eaglesurvivor]

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'

[eaglesurvivor]

FYI: http://www.ladymondegreen.com/

[eaglesurvivor]

[eaglesurvivor]

The Lawyer & The Redneck

A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get over on them easy...

So the lawyer asks if the redneck would like to play a fun game. The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?' The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the air phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500.

The redneck pockets the $500 goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the redneck up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[eaglesurvivor]

I sure would like to see the box that this came in.

[eaglesurvivor]

The live version; enjoy:

[FoodStamps4stocks]

My favorite Thanksgiving Song. :)
In fact..it's THE ONLY Thanksgiving Song. :)

[eaglesurvivor]

FoodStamps4stocks: just for you; just in case:

[FoodStamps4stocks]

So true. :)

[FoodStamps4stocks]

I believe he was hurriedly cremated so there is no proof of that Sir.

[eaglesurvivor]

As a mother was cleaning, she went into his teenage son's room. She discovered a S/M magazine. She anxiously showed it to her husband, when he arrived home. She asked what they should do.

The father quipped, "Whatever you do, don't give him a spanking."

[eaglesurvivor]

Expand your musical universe:

BTW, check out http://www.last.fm/event/935566
Ana Popovic is supposed to be there this year.

[eaglesurvivor]

A pick up:

[eaglesurvivor]

I cannot believe that I never heard of these folks before today.

[eaglesurvivor]

I had/have a poster, on a gaming forum, who has been haranguing me and today made issue of my constant use of "big words" and was told to put away my Thesaurus (like I needed to consult with it first before I could post). I informed the individual that he/she suffered from hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. (Look that up in your Thesaurus.) Snick! Snick!

[eaglesurvivor]

Summertime

Summertime, time, time,
Child, the living's easy.
Fish are jumping out
And the cotton, Lord,
Cotton's high, Lord, so high.

Your daddy's rich
And your ma is so good-looking, baby.
She's looking good now,
Hush, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,
No, no, no, no, don't you cry.
Don't you cry!

One of these mornings
You're gonna rise, rise up singing,
You're gonna spread your wings,
Child, and take, take to the sky,
Lord, the sky.

But until that morning
Honey, n-n-nothing's going to harm you now,
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Don't you cry,
Cry.

[eaglesurvivor]

An excellent piece; not all encompassing, but rather the whetting of the appetite.
http://www.jonatack.com/writings/musics/guitarists/2white_american_blues.php

[eaglesurvivor]

Can't Find My Way Home

Come down off your throne and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason Ive been waiting so long.
Somebody holds the key.

But Im near the end and I just aint got the time
And Im wasted and I cant find my way home.

Come down on your own and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason Ive been waiting all these years.
Somebody holds the key.

Chorus

But I cant find my way home.
But I cant find my way home.
But I cant find my way home.
But I cant find my way home.
Still I cant find my way home,
And I aint done nothing wrong,
But I cant find my way home.

[eaglesurvivor]

Brothers in Arms

These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arm

Through these fields of destruction
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

[toddao]

yea right

[Vexari]

incredible

[eaglesurvivor]

To all of you who think that you are skilled as a pilot, take a look at this video!

http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/08102703.html

[eaglesurvivor]

Another of Rick's creations:

[eaglesurvivor]

Remembering Rick Wright:

[eaglesurvivor]

A new board for pure fun; dedicated to the game, Spore.
http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.aspx?board_id=13271

[sumisu]

Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in West Virginia.

He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes; we ain't all stupid here in the South."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, "You stay out of this Mister, I'm talking to the little dummy on your knee!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS I received this joke from a friend in Georgia.




PEAK OIL #board-6609
PEAK OIL - SUSTAINABLE LIVING #board-9881
PEAK WATER #board-12656
Solar #board-11148
Grass Roots #board-9037

[eaglesurvivor]

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?" he once mused. "Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
(George Carlin)

[woofer]

That was very cute, eagle. eom

[eaglesurvivor]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."

[woofer]

NovaMira, li'l cutie Carlito finally woke up? Tell li'l cutie that he needs to go right back to bed. LOL

That's not my kitty but someone had it in his signature on I-Hub and I copied it, I thought it was that cute.

[NovoMira]

It was a problem typing but the li'l cutie finally woke up and wandered off to his more comfortable bed.

What's your kitty smiling about? Perhaps he was looking at Carlito's latest picture, eh?

Enjoy:

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.asp?message_id=29084885

[woofer]

NovaMira, I see that innocent li'l Carlito has had some cosmetic surgery. Last I looked, he was the ugliest baby I had ever seen....but now he's transformed into a cute, furry kitty cat. Out of curiosity, how do you type while he's lying on the keyboard? This cat wants to know........

[NovoMira]

Aren't you just a tad curious about the picture of him...




...without his diaper, Woofer?

I made it easier for you to read this post in the event you didn't notice. ;)

[woofer]

NovaMira, I've decided to only read the top portion of anymore of your posts.

If they ever see the picture of him without his diaper on they'd have a heart attack for sure. LOL

If he doesn't behave I'll circulate that one next time.

Stay tuned...

[NovoMira]

If they ever see the picture of him without his diaper on they'd have a heart attack for sure. LOL

If he doesn't behave I'll circulate that one next time.

Stay tuned...

[woofer]

NovaMira.....Huh? I'd be more apt to wonder what would happen if the chicks and bunnies saw your innocent li'l Carlito. Heart attacks? LOL

What if my innocent li'l Carlos aka Carlito should happen to see it.

The horror...

[NovoMira]

Ooooh My...I think he should be banned. What if my innocent li'l Carlos aka Carlito should happen to see it.

The horror...

[wall_rus]

Wilbur the Painter

There was a tradesman, a painter called Wilbur, who was very interested in

>making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down his paint to

>make it go a wee bit further.

>
>As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the

>Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one

>of their biggest buildings. Wilbur put in a bid, and because his price was

>so low, he got the job.

>

>And so he set to erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and

>buying the paint and, yes, sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

>Well, Wilbur was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly

>completed when SUDDENLY--there was a horrendous clap of thunder! The sky

>opened and the rain poured down--

>... washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wilbur

>clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones,

>surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

>Wilbur was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got

>on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

>And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke .




>"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

[eaglesurvivor]

wall: now, you're stealing my material. You should be paying royalties faster than the man who could say, "I'm Bubba's uncle twice."

[wall_rus]

I liked it. I love puns, heh.

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons.

[eaglesurvivor]

wall: Groan!

[wall_rus]

Lot of that goin around. On Zeev's, Midas has turned into a little.....can I say it here......NAZI.

Here's my house warming gift:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation". Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this", and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you, and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

[woofer]

eagle, you should be banned for posting censored adult material on I-Hub. It's one thing to have a peep show, but when a bunny is doing a pole dance with no clothes on......it's way over the line.

EDIT: I just noticed on viewing for a second time that the chicks look wasted. Too much to drink?

[eaglesurvivor]

WARNING!!! This is for adults only! If you are easily offended, then please do not look at the peep show below.

[dropdeadfred]

lol, it's easy money

[eaglesurvivor]

dropdeadfred: could I run book for you?

[dropdeadfred]

Who wants to go get drunk and bet on HORSE Racing today???